Geeks will buy anything

People have heard me rant about this before, but it's worth mentioning again. The action figure market has created what is, without doubt, the greatest action figure ever. It is certainly the only one that I would ever consider buying.

I never got into the toys. You can't spend any amount of time in most comic shops in Vancouver without coming across guys who are just scary crazy for them, and mercy knows I've spent far too much time in comic shops. Those people have always left me scratching my head a little. Perhaps I knew that I already spent so much damn money on the comics and that if I started buying toys it was a slippery slope towards becoming one of those fanboys who live in small basement suites and dine nightly on Mountain Dew and Ramen noodles while cackling with joy at the latest posable Mr. Frodo toy (push his tummy and he cries real Hobbit tears). In honesty I think it was just never my thing, until now.

Yes, the good people at Jakks, in an effort to sell off more plastic shards of the childhoods of 30-somethings who should know better have created a toy that belongs in every home. Sure it's clearly intended for movie geeks and the irony obsessed, but why shouldn't it be in the toy box of every child? It's part of the Rocky action figure set and whoever came up with the idea deserves a big prize. It's... Meat.

Yes, your very own plastic replica of the side of beef that helped Rocky train for the big match...and not win (sorry, should have warned about spoilers there) can now be yours. Comes with a bloody butcher apron, Rocky figure not included. Batteries are also not included, which is a good thing I think. I believe that to market a toy like this to kids you should try to emphasize the joy of imagination that can only be inspired in a child by a plastic side of beef.

Just putting out a toy like this isn't enough. Time has rendered Rocky a little played out as a franchise character. It's time for a spin-off. It should be treated as part of a big 80's/90's throwback of toy marketing. Let's get Marvel to put out a comic about The Meat and give The Meat it's own cartoon series. "Evil PETA hoards are attacking the city! Jesus, who can save us now? Somebody light the Beefsignal and summon The Meat and his Side Order The Fries before it's too late!" Nicholas Cage can play The Meat when they make the live action adaptation of the comic book too.